Nothing is more fun than grocery shopping with multiple assailants with a bent for anarchy. especially when they behave like Sinanju ninja’s trained by Chiun himself. Over the summer I have all 4 with me but now that school is back in full swing its the two youngest ones who leave the wake of terror. And of course I am always in a hurry which exponentially increases the defcon level.
So yesterday, as I am crossing off everything on my grocerygame list, (I’m already frustrated because I can’t find things I am looking for because King Soopers puts organic items in their own complete section [thanks environmental wackos]) and I come to the dreaded end because guess whats left? Well if you read the title you guessed it. By now I didn’t care because when I am mad appearances don’t matter as much anymore. I am furiously pacing up and down the feminine hygiene products aisle and see every form of maxi-this and panti-liner that but no tampons. Thats when a store manager taps me on the shoulder in front of his female associate and asks if I need any help. I turn to find he’s a former colleague from my mortgage business days. I state, quite loudly, “Yes, I can’t find the tampons!” It was a glorious moment in the epoch of man. Needless to say I bought pads and tampons like I was stocking up for armegeddon.
Of course later that evening my wife lets me know that she doesn’t use pads, but liners so now all these wonder inventions of the 21st century will now have to be returned to the store by yours truly. In a moment of grace and self-sacrifice my dear wife told me she would return them to spare me the torturous task of having to be humiliated again.
The reality is I don’t mind buying that kind of stuff. It just adds to the mystique of “super husband”.